


Grom

by justanothercrow



Category: Dimension rp with my friends, Original Work
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Original Character(s), Other, crack fic but not really bc it's only half ironic, might make this AU into a series idk, minor angst ig, mostly Grom but some cameos, my friends hate me for this lmao, stoner greg, tired and depressed tom, tw for substance abuse, yeah heart
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-15 04:13:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29553357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justanothercrow/pseuds/justanothercrow
Summary: Warning: this is a fic based on crack ship from a roleplay me and my friends made where the main cast travels to different dimensions and wreaks havoc. This takes place in a dimension where Grom is realTom and Greg work in a normal office job, but neither of these two are normal at all. Tom is a stuck up workaholic who's in desperate need of a chill pill, while Greg's a stoner and an enigma. Seriously, how did Greg get this job? Also Greg is still 7 feet tall and has six arms it's just normal here for centipede people to exist in this AU I guess. There's probably some dimension where Grom is a thing and this is how I'm doing it. It's canon y'all can't stop me
Relationships: Florence/Alfonso, Florence/Amora, Greg/Tom, Grom - Relationship, Gwen/cole, Gwen/tom, OC Pairing - Relationship, gwen/Amora?, other ships idk
Comments: 4
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work I made specifically to annoy my friends idk if it will even work esp with the tags. I have no idea how AO3 works. Also I made this when I was super sleep deprived and late at night by my standards

Tom hated his job. He hated it. He was the type to show up early, work late, live on coffee and tell his co-workers to shut the hell up and get to work. He put way too much work into this stupid presentation and ended up falling asleep for a solid day after finishing and missing the actual due date. He gave the most creative ideas to the company solely because he unlocked some god tier powers from sleep deprivation. Basically, he was simultaneously a CEO's greatest dream and worst nightmare. 

So of course he would end up having to work with another nightmare. 

Greg was… not a good employee. He liked to take too many days off, show up late high, and spent more time chatting with coworkers than actually working. Also, he was an expert procrastinator to the point where he straight up didn't do shit and somehow got away with it. It was either his intimidating chaos energy, creativity due to substance abuse, or just out of pity but something kept him employed at Business Association Marketing, also known as BAM. 

Honestly, Greg barely had a clue what his job was and he probably was the type who went to community college and barely got hired here because he somehow managed to accidentally get a masters in business. How it happened, no one had a clue, not even the God of Onions and Swamps, the mighty Shrek himself. [Yes Shrek is a god in this just deal with it].

Existing in Greg's vicinity was already Tom's personal hell but being paired up with him on a major project right after Greg got promoted to Tom's level? Dear Shrek, save us all. 

It would be a hell of a ride.


	2. Infinite Ikea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greg lives in Ikea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes the title is based on that episode in that one animated series about the SCP Foundation. The creator of Greg (and by that I mean his meta creator, not Shrek) showed me a couple episodes, including that one, and we even had a roleplay where the dimension squad (not this AU version but the OG one) visited a dimension that was solely Ikea, so this is also a reference to that. Have fun ;)
> 
> CW: the words Fr8uit and h8mo are used a lot in this work because my friend group is all gay so beware. Greg chapters will use those terms a lot more (and he canonically says the f slur too so there's that)

But enough about Tom, who gives a shit about him.

Unlike his fruity coworkers, Greg didn't live in a fancy highrise or midrise or even lowrise apartment. He lived in Ikea. He knew a few guys who worked there and the rest didn't really care. They had a new model set up pretty much every day for him to sleep on, and Gwen from Garage Man's Auto Shop even secretly rigged it so the sinks and fridge in one of the kitchen models worked, just so Greg could feel more at home. Everyone in town knew Gwen, she was perfect in every way. Even Greg, who had no attraction to women whatsoever, knew that Gwen would be the ultimate wife, but she would never be tied down by that label, she was too cool and swag. Shrek, she was so independent and sexy. She even made coveralls sexy. She was a steampunk mechanic goddess and everyone's collective waifu, but of course she was completely oblivious to that, which made her even more desirable.

But aside from Gwen from Garage Man's Auto Shop being the coolest human being on the planet (literally, Shrek had told Greg that in a dream, though he might have just been tripping, he could never tell), Greg also knew some Ikea workers who could persuade others into letting him stay there. One of them was Alfonso, a huge theater nerd who was obsessed with home decor. He had the whole place mapped out and memorized, and not even the owner of that location's Ikea, or even the mysterious CEO itself, had that place memorized, much less mapped out to perfection. Alfonso might as well have been running the place, and if it weren't for him, Ikea would be even more of a hellscape than it already was. 

Greg had also worked at that same Ikea location in the past, hence his connection with Alfonso. Alfonso was a few years younger than Greg and had been working part time while he was in high school. Alfonso had been super down on his luck and was in a really dark place at the time. To make it short, Alfonso owed Greg big time, and that maayyy have had to do with some ole Maria Juana, but don't tell the authorities because it hadn't been legal in California back when that exchange happened. Now Alfonso was still depressed, but he had been given some sage life advice from Greg (well, really Shrek through Greg) to seek better therapy and psychiatry and not just rely on molly and caffeine. With his meds worked out, he was a busybody full of passion that exceeded everyone's expectations, including the Ikea CEO itself.

The other two Ikea workers who were accomplices in this crime were Amora, a cottagecore lesbian that was secretly evil, and Tuesday, who Greg was pretty sure didn't have a worker's permit and just wore the uniform occasionally to mess with people. The kid couldn't be older than 15, and they also had intense riff raff, street rat, I don't buy that vibes or however the fuck that song goes. Except they were somehow more chaotic than Aladdin and leaned a bit more to the neutral side than good. Yes, Greg was part of a campaign with the Ikea crew, hence the DnD alignment metaphors. Alfonso was the Dungeon Master, of course, and Amora's character was, naturally, neutral evil, just like her probably. Tuesday's character's alignment was the same as it's species which was "Eldritch horror." That was also pretty in character. 

Overall, the Ikea peeps were quite the motley crew of fruity little fuckers; the stoner gay, the theater pan? who had a measuring tape phase (don't ask. it had to do with the map), the cottagecore lesbian who happened to be evil (not because of her identity as a lesbian, but because she had "accidentally" committed mass genocide, allegedly, according to Greg), and the token nonbinary who was probably a bunch of the rats from Ratatouille stuffed in an arcade carpet patterned sweater and/ or hawaiian shirt with a pair of cargo pants and an ikea vest labelled "Jeremy" over that ensemble, but aren't all enbies just like that?

Yeah, life in Ikea was a strange world to live in, but Greg's experience at BAM was considerably worse in every way.

Most of that had to do with his new mentor Tom, who was even fruitier than the Ikea crew, but in a super unpog probably repressed and definitely depressed way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why am I unironically enjoying writing this help girl help
> 
> side note, My OC specifically is Tuesday, the rest belong to my friends, so take that as you will


	3. Fuck this shit I'm not titling this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom is meant to mentor Greg, and he's not too happy about it

It was 8 am, the start of Tom's work day and he was already tired. He had spent last night up and down working on projects, remembering all his past mistakes, and most importantly, worrying about tomorrow, which I guess was today now. His second cup of coffee (the first being one he had at sunrise to get himself properly awake) was sitting on the corner of his desk next to some hasty notes, a battered laptop case, and a fistful of napkins left over from breakfast that he was slowly tearing to shreds. 

It was one of those days.

Tom was used to sleep deprivation, he was a pro. What really made him-- well was it anxious or angry?-- let's just say frustrated, was that he was going to be working with the newly promoted Greg. The Greg. The one that Tom hated. 

Greg had firmly established himself as the office menace. He talked too much, worked too little, and one time he rolled a joint right in the middle of a business meeting with an important corporation which will go nameless. It was a wonder that he hadn't been fired, much less promoted to Tom's position, whatever that was, [Do you think I know business?] which meant that Tom now had to be partnered with him on a new assignment. Great.

Tom was just tearing more pieces of napkins to shreds when a familiar voice said, "Whoa there homeslice, you don't look so hot, you good homie? you look like you haven't slept in days, broheim. want a CapriSun? I got two, you should probably drink some water babe /p" 

Tom looked up to see the face he least wanted to see but most expected: Greg. 

Greg, sure enough was holding two Capri Suns, one in his top left hand that he was drinking from, and one in his top right that he was extending to Tom. I say "top" because Greg has three sets of hands, and arms, two sets of which he used as regular arms and one that he used as legs to walk on. Yes, picture that. A man with six arms, using two of them as legs. Now imagine that he's Hawaiian, has the most generic haircut and some stubble, wears soley a green teeshirt and jorts, and is stoned out of his mind. That's Greg.

In his other arms (the ones he used as a second set of normal arms, not the ones he walked on) he was extending a can of Ikea meatballs, and a cup of water, both of which were probably also strange gifts for his new mentor. Considering Greg lived in Ikea, and the water cup was one of the plastic ones from BAM, they must have been very last minute. 

When I say Tom had "breakfast" I meant that he had had a carton of leftover Chinese food at around 4 am, so those mysterious meatballs were actually looking pretty appetizing. He also hadn't had a glass of water since.... 12? 3? Time is an illusion. He accepted the gifts (including the Capri Sun. I mean, it was fruit punch so who could blame him?) semi-graciously with a grunt of acknowledgement. 

"I'm guessing you have no idea what our project is?"

Greg took a long sip of his Capri Sun. "Yeah, I kinda was too wrecked for that shit, all this business crap gets, it just, it blends together and shit. Fucking business, man, it's the... It fucking-- Where are we?" 

Tom sighed. It was gonna be a long day.

**Author's Note:**

> I have no clue where I'm going with this either


End file.
